My Dark Vanessa

I am going through a bit of a renaissance in listening to Fiona Apple’s early music…First Taste, Limp, Sullen Girl… and so this book came to me at a perfect time. As all others have said, this book was difficult to parse through. It was both intimately and strategically written. I woke up one morning and just pondered it. My heart was heavy for Vanessa. It was one of those moments where you think to yourself ‘this isn’t real…these aren’t really people…’ But it is real. Kate Elizabeth Russell set the stage for someone like Vanessa to be preyed on. Not because she was weak but because she was lonely. She was wounded. We are not really shown a lot of information about who she was before being groomed. Just some petty school drama. Her parents seem normal if a bit clueless. I think this is done on purpose to show how much of an effect this man has had on Vanessa’s life. 

The main character traits she is presented with is an obsessiveness that can sometimes border on despair when her needs aren’t being met and a messiness. This one I thought about a lot. So many characters besides her abuser comment on her messiness (and I get the symbolism. But I think I do feel called out in a way honestly lol).

I found this book incredibly relatable. Again the way the author presents these events… she wants you to feel like Vanessa feels, honestly lured in by the ‘love’ story. We may not have all been abused but I think many of us have this rose-tinted recollection of romantic encounters that weren’t actually good for us. And indeed I’ve been in a situation of cognitive dissonance. When you know that they are kind of full of shit and calculating but you remain still tethered. When all that remains is a dream or a soft memory surrounded by mess and you’re just tethered. And again I just adore Fiona Apple. 

Before I began reading this book I watched a really Nostrodomian video essay about the vilification of famous women which referenced Britney Spears and Miley and other pop culture celebrities who are given this Nymphette treatment. Girls really are seeing all this and imbibing it the same as everyone else and they’re getting vilified and discarded for it. Even though it permeates our culture. For Vanessa, it seems to seep into every area of life, music, and media. And again I must praise Russell's skill as a writer. I see the commentary on the ubiquity of rape culture but also just the way people you love seem to seep into every area of your life and color it and once they no longer are really a part of your life it starts to become a curse. 

The relatability and sympathy I had for Vanessa sometimes turns to alienation. Understandable alienation, but still. She could be so wrong, specifically adult Vanessa but I still felt that the people who surrounded her were more wrong. (Exceptions being Taylor, Natalie, Ruby, and Charlie. They were all real ones) I do but I don’t understand her mother. You know I kind of had to play One Republic in my head when she actually admits her error as a parent to an adult traumatized Vanessa. It’s too late to apologize bitch. Vanessa was stunted after what he did to her. She doesn’t mature in my opinion past the moment of her initial ‘dalliances’ with that man, she just kind of floats in life. And she always seems to be on the cusp of a eureka moment. A realization that this was something bad that happened to her. Strane is the mess, not her. Henry is the mess. Men like them are the problem. But she can’t allow the thought to take root. It takes me a while to realize that she will not have that moment by the end. The book ends at the beginning of Vanessa’s journey to accepting the cruel truth and I think that makes it so much more true and impactful.

Just a fantastic book, all in all. Disturbing but very poignant and evocative. This is one of the best books I’ve read in years.

What's On the Agenda

 

What’s on my watch list:

• Under the Banner of Heaven 

• Shining Girls

• Why Didn’t They Ask Evans?(Hugh Laurie’s show he wrote, produced, and acted in based on the Agatha Christie novel)

• Anything on HBOMax tcm channel but I’m especially looking into the French New Wave directors

• Might get Mubi. There are a few movies from there that have piqued my interest

• Could Severance be my Black Mirror withdrawal cure?

• I want to finally see Last Night in Soho. It pains me that I missed watching it in theaters

• Everything Everywhere All At Once is a must see in theaters

• New season of Undone!(Just about the most underrated tv series. It's like an animated Fleabag)

What’s on my read list:

• I might read the Shining Girls before I watch it

• Finish Nine Stories

• Caroline Kepnes’ Providence

• A great YouTuber I follow has spoken the praises of Notes From the Underground so I might delve into that but you know I want something light, something funny and I mean belly laugh because your girl is going through it so something amusing but still semi profound would do. Bojack in book form essentially. Just a little divertissements to calm the flames. 

The Last Duel

Named thusly because two of the leads quarreling throughout the movie, mostly with Matt Damon’s De Carrouges instigating and Adam Driver’s Le Gris retaliating. So, the culmination is of course this big fight to the death in an unnecessary show of their masculinity. Even Jodie Comer’s character Marguerite, wife of De Carrouges points this out: it didn’t need to be done this way, but Jean’s pride and I believe his desire to blot out Le Gris, his nemesis, meant more to him than his wife. Margueritte never wants to blot out Le gris. She merely wants justice. 

 

I think each man represented the spectrum of toxic manhood that can exist in this setting. Each man sees himself as a hero in his retelling while Marguerite sees them as brutish in his own unique way. A medieval Chad and Nice Guy squire if you will. We get their three perspectives. I never saw Rashomon before. My introduction to this storytelling device was through The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby. So yes, I have endurance. I can sit through 3 full-fledged movies told from different perspectives (although the inclusion of Chastain, McAvoy, and Hader helped) and I got what the movie was trying to convey. It is an interesting portrayal of a woman's plight to maintain humanity in an inhumane society. Everything about it betrays your expectations. There isn’t much dueling to be had. And I mean sure we all expected a rape, but the presentation was unique both times. It’s presented as a story about two men’s bitter feud, but it really focuses on the woman who is just a pawn thrust in the middle of it. 

 

It’s like the inverse of the Godless Netflix series controversy. A show presented as a female western utopia that really focuses on the feud between two male outlaws who were nearby. But I digress. I just felt very meh about this movie despite all the great themes I’ve deciphered. I can’t really articulate why. It’s not the accents. (Marie Antoinette is one of my favorite films) I found myself wondering if this would work better as a stage play or perhaps if they didn’t play it straight. Though the performances were fine, especially Jodie Comer who got to show off her polyglot skills, I found myself wishing that I was watching whatever movie Alex Lawther was in instead (He played an eccentric and underutilized King Charles VI). His mannerisms brought unexpected humor that I think could’ve done the film good if it just leaned into it.  

 

Hear me out. The subject matter is truly grim but the tone to me seems self-aggrandizing as well and too austere for its own good. I know men and women even those you love and are close to can be complicit in rape culture. Especially in medieval France. And I know its release during this reckoning moment is an indictment against the sort of subdued treatment against women that persists. Especially in Hollywood. But it still rings kind of hollow for me.  Or at least, not novel. And I think I love good satire that does these things more than a drama.  Something like Galavant but more politically conscious. Hell, Measure for Measure is considered a comedy despite Isabella being propositioned by Lord Angelo against her will…But you know, that’s just one millennials’ opinion.

Deep Water

 

Do not be fooled by what this film presents itself as. It is anything but an erotic thriller. It is comedic at times. Several times, in fact. (My favorite moment is the climax when a character utters the words: ‘goddamn fucking autocorrect’) It is apparently humanitarian as this report seems to insinuate: IndieWire.com On Affleck’s part, at least. And it is all publicity. This is like the fourth film in Ben Affleck’s career that I know of that seems to want to draw viewers in using allusions to his personal life. That might be starring alongside a girlfriend at the time or working with an auteur who found the perfect casting choice for their domestic thriller. This movie so wishes it was Gone Girl. But it’s like it knows it can’t live up to that level of complexity, so it resigns itself to just be gossip fodder. I mean there are so many allusions to Affleck’s personal life in this movie that must be intentional. His first rival is played by an actor who seriously favors Matt Damon, which is… a choice. Choices like these seem to exist only to make viewers speculate about the actors’ personal lives instead of the really weird but somehow banal lives of the characters. It solidified this opinion in my mind that Affleck’s celebrity status seems to hinge on his celebrity which only obscures his actual talent. I guess they both (Him and Ana de Armas) do a good job playing these characters, but the script really never allows us to explore why and how these characters got to be the way they are, so it seems really pointless. That being said, I kind of enjoyed how ridiculous this movie was. Again, it was very funny. Basically, that Sound of Silence meme personified with some gratuitous sex scenes and snails. The Room with greater production value and... everything. If that's your jam, I sincerely recommend Deep Water.

The Knick

It’s not exactly a new concept. An acerbic but brilliant doctor with an addiction. The only thing that makes it stand out is it’s setting and time and of course Soderbergh's involvement. There is also a modernity to the period piece that I think we can attribute mainly to the music composed by Red Hot Chili Peppers’ member Cliff Martinez. This show however is no Downton Abbey or Grey’s Anatomy  for that matter, as it makes explicitly clear with gruesome shots of  blood and bone and suffocated fetuses et cetera. When I began watching, I wasn’t certain if I liked it. It drew me in with a kind of bile fascination or maybe more apt would be to call it a bloody fascination, but not for the reasons I’ve expressed. You see, nothing could prepare me for the moment when a character uttered the words ‘ dusky coon’. And that should tell you a bit about what we’ve come to expect in our period pieces now. Even with the presence of black people,   there seems to be two modes: a revisionist utopia or at least one where our mains are progressive enough to ‘see past color’. 

As much as I appreciate the Knick  for not sugarcoating the facts of the time( not going the white savior route)I can’t help but suspect that its authentic cinema verite vibe and historical accuracy is a ruse for the free license of using racial epithets much in the same way I feel similar shows have excused female debasement. Hence, the bile fascination. I don’t like Chief Surgeon John W. ‘Thack’ Thackery(I don’t recall ever hearing anyone call him Thack), but I know we’re also not meant to like Thackery, we’re just meant to see his genius in spite of his moral and behavioral failings. I prefer to see neither. I see him as entertainment. But at times his schtick can be so terribly hackneyed and that sort of ruins the enjoyment. I knew at once she was introduced, he would woo and corrupt the bland Nurse Elkins, and I rolled my eyes at flashbacks where he was introduced as a plucky young doctor with a lost Lenore. As a very wise woman once said ‘ am I supposed to feel sorry for that bitch? Because I don’t!’ The best parts of House M.D.  in my opinion, were the sick burns that House dished out indiscriminately and so is the case for this fictional physician. It is really captivating to watch a show set in a time where medical advancements were unfolding and slowly becoming what we know today. 

It was hard to watch the sole black physician, Algernon Edwards, endure everything he did and still soldier on for these people. But boy did I relish in his small victories. And I suspect that was the point. His hardships are compelling and unfortunately historical. He and Dr Thackery have an Iago/ Othello dynamic at first, which wanes less and less once Thackery discovers Edwards work and begins to see him as a worthy member of his team. All of the surgeons at the Knick have their own vices:Thackery’s is drugs, by far the most lethal, Gallingers is prejudice, Edwards is brawls and Bertie’s is a crushing naïveté and adorable-ness that I do not look forward to seeing dissolve. And of course, Bertie also had the misfortune of crushing on the same bland nurse.  

I should make clear that Clive Owen is brilliant in the role. I just find the character largely unimaginative and a little bit inimical. With his manly physique and good looks and toxic manly ways everything about the character of Dr John Thackery again seems to be designed to be critic proof. Smart viewers will see him for what he is. Less smart viewers might say ‘He's not an asshole, he’s a genius.’  And knuckledraggers might offer that ‘The two aren’t mutually exclusive’ and in fact  the plethora of stories like these seems to insinuate that there is a correlation. But I’d wager that it does not mean causation. And it especially doesn’t excuse it.  And then there is the fact that Thackery does suffer from a cocaine addiction, back before his disease was even classified as such. Already I imagine another chorus shouting: ‘Dr Thackery cannot be an asshole! He was making history!’ I wonder what Darwin would’ve called that bunch?

Drawing on the oft repeated circus theme, can you imagine a musical based on this show in the vein of the Greatest Showman, but you know actually good?  After all, Thackery was based on a real physician. Now there’s a novel concept. 

Scream(5)

The following review contains spoilers

I could not mask my joy attending a real theater again to watch this movie, no pun intended. And though inclement weather thwarted my plans to experience this film at an early showing with what I assume would be a much livelier audience, I still enjoyed this movie a bunch. I just had to stifle some of the moments that made me squee a bit, like hearing Dewey's theme when he decided to help our new main girl and learning that Sid is happy with babies and McDreamy. This is one film at least for me, where nostalgia alone could carry my enjoyment(But it is an exception. Movie execs please stop milking my cherished media memories for a buck. Thanks. Sincerely, Everyone) And while I assumed by the title alone which implies reboot that Sidney and the gang would not be the central focus, I was not expecting Cox and Campbell to be so relegated to cameos. (I did anticipate it with Arquette though. RIP Sheriff Reilly). But again, that did not make the movie a miserable experience, just not on par with any of the other Scream movies.

 I think one character even specifically says this new whodunnit is fanfiction and it did not surprise me to learn afterward that the directors were Scream fanboys. I knew Kevin Williamson was involved in the production and I had mistakenly hoped he would be involved more in the writing, although I can imagine his apprehension in writing for high schoolers nowadays. It was definitely a pale imitation of Williamson's clever writing who I think we can attribute to inventing the once novel trope of self-aware precocious teenage dialogue that has become hackneyed now due to overuse on shows like Riverdale. I just didn’t like any of the new cast except for Jenna Ortega’s Tara and Jack Quaid’s Richie. Tara especially employs the precocious self-aware teen speech to a T but wins favor from me in how well-acted her part is by Jenna Ortega. Many other viewers have noted that she is the true final girl, the survivor we’re all rooting for. She has the same tenderness and raw fighting spirit as Neve in Scream 1996. She evades death even though she’s framed as the film’s Casey Becker! But instead, the movie positions her sister, Sam as the heroine of this franchise. 

I actually like Sam’s backstory, it's an interesting one that mirrors Sidney’s.  The daughter of a town harlot becomes the illegitimate daughter of a serial killer, Billy Loomis(Carol J Clover would be impressed). She confesses this secret to her half-sister Tara in the hospital and it expectedly causes her to feel at odds with her identity much in the same way Sidney did after learning of her mother’s past. When she receives news that her sister has been attacked by Ghostface, she brings her beau Richie to Woodsboro, who is so obviously the killer, even the not so sharp Dewey, calls it. I also had my suspicions about Tara’s friend Maya the whole time who had surprisingly little screen time.
 

All of the new Woodsboro residents did and I wonder if that was the sacrifice that needed to be made to grant sufficient time for the legacy characters. I appreciated that but it does nothing to endear the newbies to me. For example, Mindy, one of the twins of  Randy Meeks, the beloved movie expert, and comic relief is positioned to fulfill the same role in this franchise but fell short for me in the humor category. Most of Tara’s friends had such little screen time, I can barely form an opinion about their character besides the gruff archetypes they obviously were meant to subvert at some point, but the subversions never really happened, unless you count their attacks/deaths being one. One exception is Dylan Minette’s Wes, while knowing very little about his Nice Guy character I was in constant dread in the scene following his mother’s death(RIP Sheriff Judy. RIP Lemon squares) thanks in large part to the score, and me watching 13 Reasons Why for way too long and being trauma bonded with any character played by Minette as a result. His existence and later death created an in-universe excuse for the characters to celebrate a  house party in his honor which was really an excuse for the filmmakers’ to celebrate Wes Craven(I have to give them mad props for that. It was a clever homage) 

The party is hosted by Amber whose parents just happen to own Stu Macher’s old house.  This house predictably is the climax of the film where we have our showdown with the big reveal: Ghostface is two and also fanboys. To quote the Sidney Prescott, it is very derivative. With all the Rian Johnson’s Last Jedi references the film makes, forgive me for having a similar response as Star Wars fans when I question the decision to make Richie and Amber nobody’s. They are once again motivated to kill so that they can inspire better material for the Stab franchise…? All around I enjoyed myself. I thought Jack Quaid and Jenna Ortega did a bang-up job. The direction evoked suspense in many scenes which have always been a Scream staple so kudos for that( I don’t know why people were acting like the Scream movies weren’t dark already.) and a few good laughs and heartwarming moments. I even like the backstory for the new final girl and I hope to see the actress’ performance improve in future movies. I hope my criticisms were not too cutting. I’d hate to be mistaken for Ghostface…

Cursed

 

The jokes are in the title card.  And seemingly lacking from most of the movie, apart from a very meme worthy moment of a werewolf flipping the bird. I was only recently introduced to this movie, and I have no idea why it’s escaped my notice for so long. It’s become a favorite addition of mine in the So Bad It’s Good category.  But I know you may be wondering yourself: What is Cursed and why does nobody remember it? Cursed is another brainchild of screenwriter Kevin Williamson and director Wes Craven, the horror dream team at the time. It also included many well-known actors like Christina Ricci and up and comers like Jesse Eisenberg and Milo Ventimiglia. A creative team like that should’ve guaranteed success, right? Well, Enter Weinstein.  

I guess Harvey Weinstein wasn’t getting enough satisfaction from coercing women, so he decided to screw up what could’ve been a perfectly formidable franchise. Apparently, the original cut of the movie differed greatly from the final cut and tested well with test audiences too but for some reason, the Weinsteins weren’t happy. They wanted Joshua Jackson’s character to be the bad guy to kind of emulate Scream’s plot and the success that followed its release. This is just stupid reasoning to me. Scream wasn’t successful because it was so surprising for the boyfriend to be the killer. It was successful because it subverted your expectations. One minute you think it’s Billy, the next you don’t, and in the next scene other characters start to look suspicious… in this film, or at least this version, Joshua Johnson’s Jake always looked suspect. Maybe you could consider Judy Greer’s snide comments to Christina Ricci foreshadowing but that’s a stretch. The changes Weinstein enforced caused another Scream alum, Skeet Ulrich to drop out of the role and get recast by Jesse Eisenberg.

 According to Eisenberg, the original script was much better. It was gorier too. Originally intended to be R rating, Weinstein later decided that PG-13 rating would ensure better box office success. (You can still find some of the r rated kills online. They’re really gruesome) But yeah...it's not Scream quality film. It's not even I Know What You Did Last Summer quality. That being said...I kind of like it? Maybe. It has this indescribable charm.

 So, the movie starts at some sort of amusement park or fair with these two girls and Portia deRossi playing a fortuneteller. Bowling with Soup performs this song about wolves at the fair. That’s not relevant to the story at all, I just thought I’d mention it because it really made me start to view this movie as an unintentional period piece. One of the girls is also played randomly by 2000s pop singer Mya. And she is convincing her friend to leave her boyfriend when they come across deRossi's stand. She tells them some mysterious prophecy thing that basically lets us know they are redshirts. Portia's character honestly feels kind of superfluous. She just exists for this scene and to tell Christina Ricci a similar warning later and then just dips. That alone makes this movie a failure in the horror genre. If you're not going to develop a character, then at least have them stick around for an awesome kill scene.  And the names in this movie! I know it’s nitpicky but even the names in this movie seem like stock character names: Jenny, Becky, Zipper, Jimmy. Where’s Dick and Jane? But I digress. After the werewolf warning scene with these three disposable characters, we're introduced to one of our leads again played by a young Jesse Eisenberg. And I got to say, he really stepped out of his typecast here. Nerd, yes but not an especially smug or even smart one. 

 His sister is Christina Ricci. Not in real life. Just this movie. His real-life sister is the Pepsi girl. She is a workaholic industry suit person, and we know this because her hair is in a perpetual bun and she can’t make time for her orphaned teenage brother who has some intense paranoia of happenings on Hollywood boulevard. We know that she and Jimmy are brother and sister because he says to her over the phone after she’s running late to pick him up ‘But I’m your brother!’ as if to remind her. Maybe it really was intended to remind his sister, not his real-life sister but Christina Ricci as his sister seeing as I don’t believe Jimmy and Ellie were siblings in the original draft. She's running late because she had to go see Jake as played by Joshua Johnson, her boyfriend with a reputation. I guess he’s opening a Planet Hollywoodesque club, and I also guess he works in the industry like Ellie but somewhere behind the scenes, most likely prop design. He has the cliché ‘I need space’ conversation with Ellie which really sucks for Ellie because she blew off her own brother and subjected him to almost get picked up by Richard Gere. 

 So, she and Jimmy take for home where he complains again about having to wait (I don’t understand why he can’t just take the bus?) and then they get into this car crash that comes out of nowhere. Incidentally, the girl in the other car is the Becky from the beginning. Ellie and Jimmy try to help her out of her demolished car, but she is yanked by and viciously mutilated and killed by some unknown creature. Jimmy mentions that AT&T is shit which is so very true and that they’re on Mullholland Dr, which is so very lame. Becky’s last words are: “It wasn’t a dog, was it?” So I’d like to think she was an ardent animal lover (Hey, my headcanon is more characterization than the script ever gave her). When police and EMT finally arrive Ellie asks, “What kind of animal could do that?” As though she’s unaware of the existence of bears or mountain lions. Even the explanation of a wolf or dog should suffice. Especially one infected with rabies. Considering the circumstances that led to the crash, I’m surprised that the police didn’t take them in for custody. I guess her questioning would make sense if the original cut of Becky’s demise was included(I highly recommend searching for it on YouTube for better context

It would make a little sense, but not much. They show Zipper bite Jimmy uncharacteristically so we know he’s been bitten by the werewolf, and they will now both be ‘cursed’. As for how Ellie's transformation occurs, I guess it’s implied that it’s transmitted sexually by her werewolf boyfriend Jake. I don’t know if that’s a new concept in werewolf lore but it’s something that I definitely have never heard of before and I really like it. It’s weird though, that it’s precluded by Jake breaking into her house and saying that he was scared. Mind you, moments before that he was telling her ‘We need space’. Can you say red flag? 

Anyway, Jimmy seems intent on believing the animal that attacked Becky is a werewolf. He says he’s been cursed by the Mark of the Beast, which like okay… Ellie manifests her mark of the beast by looking ‘‘different today…saucy’. Honestly, the hair down hair up thing is a more legitimate makeover than the glasses off/on romcom trend. I guess it’s the Teen wolf formula of werewolf powers that make you cool or desirable while also bloodthirsty: Ellie is attracted to the smell of nose bleeding coworkers who could not be bothered to go to the bathroom. She also attracts Scott Baio, but come on, it’s Christina Ricci bun or no bun, that’s not really shocking.

 Jimmy’s powers manifest with… canine suspicion, flipping Milo Ventimiglia in the air, and ….a perm? There’s this subplot with Milo Ventimiglia’s bully character constantly picking on Jimmy with homophobic insults but as luck would have it–gasp–he himself was gay. The homophobic closeted gay man has practically become a staple in pop culture, but this might actually have been one of the first instances of it. 

 One thing that doesn’t help the movie is the rules it set for itself. In this universe, werewolves can only be destroyed if you separate the head from the heart, silver just hurts, and some ‘experts’ apparently can’t agree on when the actual wolf transformation should take place (I am quite certain these experts have made appearances on Ancient Aliens.)It’s never explained where Jimmy got this book or how he’s certain that this is the official werewolf book.

 There’s a really cool chase scene with Mya in a parking garage.  I might be wrong but I’m pretty sure that scene was also supposed to be gorier. My favorite part of this scene is when the werewolf pulled the car alarm out of a car that was going off (I suspect she had misophonia). I just love how the werewolf knew exactly which part of the car produces the alarm.

 There’s this part where Christina Ricci sucks Craig Kilborn’s bleeding finger and I really do not know the relevance of that scene or why it made me so uncomfortable. Does anyone else feel similarly?

 You can tell that this was a long production by many things but there is one scene between Judy Greer and Christina Ricci. They are just having a normal conversation outside a studio with hedges and for some reason, it’s green screen, almost like they had to call the two actresses back for reshoots and couldn’t get access to the generic outside studio area again.

 For plot contrivance, Jimmy decides to confide all of this in obvious bad guy Jake (And it’s suspending my disbelief that he nor Ellie’s coworkers or Jimmy’s classmates knew about the accident. I would think that level of damage and eventual carnage would make at least local news) which of course comes back to bite (pun intended) our protagonists. And here’s the thing, I don’t think the original script intended it to be so obvious that Jake was a bad guy. I think the final twist was that Judy Greer was the baddie all along and Jake was a red herring, to subvert the expectation of it being Ellie’s beau like it was in Scream. Williamson had really made subversions his calling card in the Scream franchise, and this would have been a pretty good twist alone but instead of Weinstein following that clever trend in Scream he opted instead to copy-paste the end of movie instead, which is so dumb. 

 The big showdown happens at Jake’s club called Tinsel. Ellie suspects that Jake is the werewolf at this point and calls Jimmy to let him know this, so he and Milo are hiding from Jake now. This scene has many unintentionally funny moments, one of them being a moment where Jake is describing Jimmy to a bouncer and describes him as ‘a little jumpy with brown hair.’ Dude this is an LA club, you will never narrow down that list. This film does have another potential suspect Kyle that it tries to insinuate guilt on only towards the climax. But Judy Greer quickly disproves that theory when she grabs a surprisingly mute Kyle and quietly demolishes his body. So, the twist is that she and Jake like everyone other women in the industry, apparently, hooked up but he was not interested in committing to her. So even though technically Jake was the original werewolf (which still would make him culpable. I mean you should really reveal to a woman that you’re a canine before you sleep with her, but hey, that’s just my opinion) Judy Greer 's character Joanie, the passive aggressive ' hyper skinny publicist’, was the one killing those girls, a scorned werewolf ex murdering the competition. It’s a bit clever, because not only would it make sense for her to off Mya since she was coming on to Jake heavily at a previous party, but it was strongly hinted that Jake and Becky had also dated.

 The meme moment happens after the police have arrived at the scene and in an effort to draw Joanie out of hiding, she describes her as someone with a ‘bony ass and fat thighs and bad skin’. It’s simply a glorious moment.

 The cops shoot Joanie down but there’s one last showdown between Jimmy and Ellie and Jake, that does really feel tacked on. I guess for some reason after the defeat of Joanie, Jimmy and Ellie incorrectly assumed that that was the end of their being werewolves. Shortly after they get home, they start to begin the transformation that the experts couldn't agree upon (I guess the answer was the last 20 minutes of the movie all along) while Jake monologues. He says a lot of boring villainy-type stuff, but the only things of importance are that 1. Jake must die for them to go back to normal and 2. He’s going to kill Jimmy. I really don’t know how Jake thought Ellie was going to react to him telling her all this. I mean, it’s not only dumb to tell a girl that you’ve cursed her but also that the only way to reverse it is to kill you and that you’re going to put her brother out of his misery. Where’s the incentive for her to accept that?! Now, I’d understand the temptation if it was Billy Loomis delivering all but this is Pacey we’re talking about! 

 And then to top it off he changes his mind about keeping Ellie alive when she starts to attack him. The writing of this character just makes zero sense. In one scene he just says ‘I am going to kill you’ in the most lackluster way that is again, so unintentionally funny. It is also kind of incredible Jake opts to kill Ellie in his human form by strangulation instead of his werewolf form. It just doesn’t make sense from a criminal perspective unless werewolves don’t leave DNA. Plus, I’m pretty sure he’d get the job done quicker in werewolf form. But he has a case of plot contrived stupidity which results in Ellie and Jimmy overpowering him. Brooke--is another character I forgot to mention probably because she is the least developed love interest in movie history-- drops off Zipper and she and Jimmy share a kiss out of nowhere while Milo stands uncomfortably nearby (Okay, I know I keep switching between character and actor names, but the former is so generic, it’s hard to keep track). And then you know the rest…fade to black. A franchise was definitely not born with the release of this film, but I don’t think I speak for myself when I say a cult film following was inevitable. And I think we can all agree on this: Release the Craven Cut!